Fix you
by sparrowsxxswann
Summary: You left me Heartbroken with your honesty. Couldnt you hear your conscience scream out when you were with her? This isnt fair cause now i'm the one dealing with it....AU All Human. B/E...B/J...E/OC
1. Deception

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Fix You

Summary:

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Bella is heart broken by the only one she had ever trusted. After having her whole life turn upside down she decides to make big changes, but things dont go the way shed hoped. She is shattered completely. Things go

What if the cant move on because the one she loved for most of her life wont let go, and what will he do to make things right and fix her?

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Hey guys so this story is inspired by the song you should have lied by Stephanie McIntoshgreat song, means lots to me in this particular time of my life. Please read and tell me your thoughts about this story.

Chapter 1: Devastated

"Why?" I sobbed into my cushion, burying my face into the material wishing the world would open up and swallow me. I felt humiliated, hurt and betrayed.

I wasnt sure what exactly I was feeling at that very moment but something felt so incredibly wrong, so hollow, just numb , everything seemed destroyed, as if my entire existence was crumbling away at my feet.

How could this happen to me? I thought it was supposed to be my time to be happy, Id waited long enough hadnt I? What had I done in my past life for God to hate me so much? Why wasnt I allowed to be happy, even for a while?

I loved him.

I was vaguely aware of someones hand stroking my hair, a soft voice speaking words of comfort to me. I lifted my head from the pillow slightly and was met with hazel eyes looking back into mine with pity and sympathy. I sniffled and scooted closer eventually falling into open arms, warmth enveloping me as arms wrapped around me pulling me closer into them.

"Alice, why me?" I sobbed, struggling to catch my breath, my violent sobs racking my whole body, my fingertips gripping onto her sweater.

"Oh Bella, Im so sorry" she said bringing her lips to my head and kissing my hair comfortingly, soothing down my hair once more.

I wanted to thank her for coming over so quickly.

I didnt know who else to call. I couldnt call anyone else, Alice the only one who came to mind when it had happened. She was over to me quicker than I realized, she had found me crumpled on the floor in the kitchen sobbing clutching onto a shirt. I dont know how she did it but she managed to get me into the lounge and onto the sofa.

She was everything to me in that moment, she was my shield. Taking away my pain and anger, holding me like I was a child again.

I wanted to thank her so badly but my mind couldnt register words, I couldnt think, I felt hollow, my head pounding painfully. Matching my broken heart.

She didnt mind. She never did when she saw me like this.

This time was different. There was something more in her eyes and I couldnt put my finger on it but she was different somehow.

"Bella honey" she said pulling away slightly "you should sleep darling"

I lifted my head and wiped viciously at my cheeks wiping away another tear, I looked around the room slowly. Thinking to myself that just mere hours ago everything was alright, I was happy. I was in love and loved back.

I wasnt this mess lay in my best friends arms sobbing into her now-ruined sweater, I was smiling as I checked myself one last time in the mirror before going out. How things could change in just a few short hours.

"Alice please dont leave me. I cant be on my own. Not tonight" I begged, not caring if I sounded pathetic, I just needed my best friend to make all my thoughts go away.

"Sure darling" she replied without a second thought, she reached down into her purse that was resting by my hip and pulled out her cell phone punching in some numbers, then she cleared her throat." Just letting Jasper know where I am. Hey Honey, Think Im staying over yeah"

I nodded and closed my eyes sitting up and pulling my hair back from my face and into a pony tail, trying not to listen into their conversation.

"He is?" she asked and my ears picked up "now?"

After catching my eye she shook her head and started to wave her hand in the air, one thing I loved about Alice, she was always full of energy, always moving around and talking with her hands.

"I dont think thats such a good idea Jazz, shes pretty messed up" she said in a hushed voice, I pretended that I hadnt heard it, pretended that the words she spoke werent about me and it didnt stab my chest and make me feel weak and pathetic.

" him hes the biggest loser on the planet and he better watch his back tomorrow." she said quickly followed by "Kay, Love you too"

Love. I used to know what that was.

Her arms were back around my shoulders the moment she closed her phone pulling me back close into her. Her fingertips running soothing circles all around my back.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked after a long silence.

"sure honey" Alice replied her hands reaching back to stroke my hair again.

"How did you know when Jasper said he loved you and truly meant it. How did you know that you could trust him enough never to break your heart?"

It was quiet.

"I just did Bells". she replied "he knows me better than anyone"

"Wish I was you" I whispered, but I had a feeling shed heard me, but she didnt push it further, she just held me close.

Soon after more of my tears had subsided I began to feel my eyelids get heavier darkness taking over me.

I didnt dream of our future that night. Only them. Together. In our bed....

I opened my eyes and squinted at the early morning light, my head pounding and my eyes heavy. For a moment I didnt realize where I was, I sat up and looked around sleepily, then images of last night ran through my head and my heart broke all over again, my chest tightened with soaring pains.

I shook my head pushing those vile disgusting images from my mind as I sat fully up.

I must have fell asleep on the couch.

I stood up and smoothed down the pillows and folded the blanket, no matter what situation I was in there was never an excuse not to have a nice clean house I thought to myself.

After the lounge was presentable as I could get it this early in the morning, I made my way into the kitchen.

Alice was on her cell pouring a cup of coffee, her eyes shooting towards me

"Oh Bellas up now, yeah she said into her cell Okay, I shall see you tonight"

Then she flipped it shut and sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen, handing me over a cup of coffee.

I smiled and gladly sipped it down, not caring how hot it was, I really needed it. I glanced up to see Alice looking back at me with pity.

"Alice, please dont look at me like that I said looking away,"

"Sorry Bells" she said reaching over and touching my hand "how you doing?"

I took a minute to think about my answer "Im fine and dandy" I replied sarcastically with a smile on my face.

Alice rolled her eyes "you know what I mean" she said standing up and swilling her cup with water and dropping it into the sink.

My smile dropped and a feeling of guilt washed over me, she had been my rock that night and I was being mean to her "Im sorry Alice, I just want to forget you know?"

She smiled sympathetically to me and nodded then began to pull ingredients from the cupboard. "Come on I will make you my famous pancakes" she said and she interrupted before I could refuse "No excuses!"

After having to spend an awkward hour in the kitchen making small talk and pretending to eat Alices pancakes we moved into the lounge and began to look through my collection of chick flick dvds.

After a small debate on which film to watch first, Alice had decided on Dirty Dancing and Ghost.

"Thats bullshit!" I said throwing a pillow at the screen, Alices shocked eyes falling on me I could already see the anger she was trying to hide at having been interrupted from watching the _pottery scene_ in the movie.

"Patrick Swayzé in Ghost is bullshit?" she asked shocked.

"No" I quickly said trying to back up "I mean, the _Ill love you forever MollyDitto_-shit is bullshit, he wont love her forever, he loves fucking baby in 20 minutes.."

"Hey Bella, firstly thats a totally different movie and secondly step away from the Patrick Swazé insults, he aint done anything to you girl, plus hes a really good dancer, he can move my hips for me anyday" Alice replied wiggling her bum on the sofa.

I giggled and threw a pillow at her face and ducked from the popcorn she threw in my direction.

We had a really good day just being stuck to my sofa and watching movies, just hanging out with a really cool person, and for a little while at least she did make the hollow feeling inside me subside. But not completely.

Although we were having a good chilled out day I noticed that Alice kept checking her watch constantly through out the movies and girl talk, sneaking glances at her I could see that she was anxious to see Jasper and discuss what happened. I pretended not to notice as she looked down to her cell phone and try to hide in her sleeve.

"Alice I think I need to have a shower and feel human again for a while." I said.

"Okay Honey Ill make us some food and watch some crappy cable show for a bit then" she replied.

"Honestly, I think ill be alright taking a shower, you should get home, I think Jasper would be pleased to see you, hes probably worried about you" I said ignoring the numbness hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Alice shifted her weight from foot to foot for a few minutes I could tell she was thinking it over and I really needed to be on my own for a few hours, I prayed she understood that I loved her for being there for me but I just needed _me_ time.

"I'm not sure.." she started but I could see that she did miss Jasper and needed to see him before she spontaneously combusted on my hallway rug. "I could do with getting some work done I suppose, but I dont want to leave you after..."she trailed off.

I cut her off quickly "Alice Ill be fine, Im sure I can manage to have a shower and make some food all by myself, and Im positive that Jasper is missing you right about now."

She quickly glanced at the time again and smiled, I knew that Wednesday nights were their special nights where they would just hang out and chill and do Alice and Jasper related things. I felt guilty for keeping her at mine for so long when I saw her smile fade when she turned back to me.

"you sure?" she asked quietly

I nodded. "yeah, I really need to wash my hair and I think an early night will do me some good"

It didnt take very long for Alice to throw her arms around me and promise to call when she got home and first thing the next morning then to glide out the door.

When I was certain she had gone I looked around, it was strangely quiet, something she was not used to. His voice still echoed in her mind and she closed her eyes and tried to force him to the back of her mind.

Quickly not even thinking about what was on my play list i switched my I-pod speakers on and turned the volume up.

I slowly made my way into the kitchen and my eyes fell on his discarded shirt as our song filled the room.

Tears stung my eyes and my chest heaved.

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How could you be so blind?

I asked herself as i picked up the shirt and began to fold it and place it neatly onto the kitchen counter-top. After a moment my eyes glanced over to her phone and the answering machinethe red flashing lights catching my attention. The number 3 flashing away to itself.

Carefully i crept towards it, my fingers trembling as i reached out and pushed the play button.

**__**

You have 3 messages. First message:

Bella its me are you there. Please pick up. I really need to talk to you, listen Im going to be working late tonight so I cant make our dinner date. Ill make it up to you I promise. Call you tomorrow Bumble Bee, love you.

I grit my teeth as his message finished, pain creeping into my chest once more. Holding my breath as the machine beeped to start playing the second message.

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Second message: **Bella where are you?**

there was rustling in the background and what i made out as traffic, he seemed out of breath

_**Please come back, Im so sorry for what just happened, I didnt mean for this to happen..just come back and we can talk about this. You cant drive in this state Bella, please God please pick up the me explain Bella. I love you.**_

Liar. I thought.

Then the machine beeped again and i turned my back on it and made my way towards the bathroom, i turned the shower on and began to undress still listening out for his last message, my heart pounding painfully when i heard his voice again come through the speaker.

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**Third message:**

**Im so sorry please forgive me, I messed up. I just want to know you are safe. Jasper told me that Alice is with you, I need to see you, I need to fix this.**

Letting the warm water cover me I scrubbed at my body with the soap, wanting to wash the dirty feeling I had away. Tears fell down my cheeks and I clenched my fingers into fists

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**Please..I know I no right in asking this of you but please pick up the phone if youre there, I just need to hear youre voice to make sure youre alright. Bella please please just give me a chance.**

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_(Flashback)_

_Work had been an absolute joke that day, the pressure to get the assignments out to the examiners was getting to me, and Mike Newton, the creepy Maths sub had been following me around all afternoon._

_He had been pestering me into going for coffee with him for weeks now and he really wasnt getting the message that i just wasnt interested, besides i was in a happy relationship and had been since high school, with her childhood sweetheart Edward Cullen._

_We had met when I started Forks elementary school when my parents moved back to Forks after travelling for a few years. I was a shy bookworm back then, always reading and writing stories in my little grey notebook._

_He sat next to me in English and we hit it off from the second Id laid eyes on him, we shared crayons in art and each time he tapped me on the shoulder to ask meekly to borrow my coloured pen i lost another little piece of my heart in his beautiful green eyes. After that we shared most things, crayons, books, trading cards even first kisses._

_We became an official couple at the start of high school and had been dating ever since, we were the perfect couple._

_They had even started talking about marriage and babies._

_Sure they had their ups and downs but didnt every couple?_

_I admitted that I had neglected Edward a little during the last couple of weeks, but he understood that my job was important to me, and he respected that, just as I had respected that he had a career too._

_After closing the last exam entry form I looked down to my watch and sighed, I was late for a dinner date with Edward. We always went out for dinner on a Friday night, as a sort of date night, something little to keep the magic alive for both of us._

_I reached into my purse and pulled out my cell phone and typed in his number and pressed it to my ear, inwardly cursing as I reached his machine but smiling when his voice rang through my ear. The butterflies still fluttering around in the pit of the stomach every time I heard his velvety voice._

_"Hey, its me. Sorry Im running really late work is Im going to drive to yours and maybe we should get takeout? Im spent and just need to relax, so I was thinking a movie and an early night? I said into the phone smiling like a teenager, I could already imagine his arms around me pulling me closer to him as he kissed my neck, the spot where he knew I loved it. so Ill see you in a few minutes, okay, I love you."_

_I shut my cell and gathered my stuff and quickly made my way to my car, avoiding Mike Newton and being dragged into another one of his attempts at asking me out._

_10 minutes past and I pull into Edwards neighbourhood, waving at Mr Woodcock as I passed him._

_The butterflies built up again as his house came into view illuminated by the streetlamp. I pulled up at the curb and stopped the car and got out, fishing in my purse for the key he had cut for me. I inwardly smiled as I made out candles through the tainted glass window panel of the front door. He always made me feel special in the little things he did._

_I called out his name as i shut the door behind me, after hearing no reply I thought he may be in the bathroom and I felt sneaky, i wanted to surprise Edward by waiting for him in his bedroom wearing nothing but one of his shirts, so I crept up the stairs quietly careful of the creaking floorboard I crept towards his room, the butterflies doing summersaults in my stomach, knowing that i would probably start giggling at any minute and spoil the surprise._

_A giggle. I covered my mouth, but it wasnt me that giggled_

_Confused I carried on towards Edwards room, and reached for the door handle turning it carefully and opening it a smile firmly on my lips, my eyes wide and my heart stopped**-----------------------------**_

My fingers snaked into my hair and my back hit the wall of the shower before i slid down it, sitting on the shower floor naked and heartbroken my sobs racking my whole body once more. I hated him. I hated that I loved him and needed him there to hold me. Why was I so weak?!

**---------------------------------** _Edward was there, rolling his hips into a blonde haired woman, her arms clinging onto the head board as he thrust into her, his heavy grunting so loud I was surprised I didnt hear it earlier._

_I was stood frozen unable to move, unable to look away, my chest had felt like someone had punched me hard and I couldnt catch my breath. I gasped for much needed air and I was met with blue eyes. The blonde girl looked in my direction confused for a split second the gasped and sat up abruptly knocking Edward back into reality._

_It all happened in a second._

_I stood tall as I watched almost in slow motion as his head turned in my direction, his hips still thrusting the fully stopping when realising that I stood in his doorway. His eyes widened and he pulled away from the blonde girl and grabbed the covers and covered himself quickly half getting off the bed,_

_"Bella?!" he cried as I turned around and ran for the door, I heard as he scuffled around getting off the bed and running after me, I had never run so fast to the front door but Edward caught my arm as I fumbled to open the lock._

_"Bella wait he said I can explain!"_

_I couldnt process words, my whole body ached, my legs were shaky and my breathing was laboured, tears ran down my face, he brought his hands to my face quickly wiping the tears away, I couldnt look at him, I felt sick._

_"Bella, that isnt what it looked like" he said cradling my face lovingly, I squatted his hands away from me and pushed him away from me forcefully surprised at myself for a second at how much strength I still had._

_"NO!" I screamed hitting his chest and pushing him away from me "DONT TOUCH ME!"_

_"Bella please let me explain" he replied his voice cracking as he reached out for me again, and me having to scramble away from him, his fingers were tainted now and I wanted to be sick._

_"Get away from me!" I shouted pushing him again then unlocking the door and throwing it open and rushing towards my car, reaching into my bag for my keys, listening to him begging me to listen to him for a moment._

_"Leave me alone!" I shouted turning to him as I walked backwards, I watched as he still moved towards me quickly, adjusting his jogging bottoms and putting a shirt on, his face streaming with panic._

_"Bella wait please just hear me out" he begged._

_"Get the FUCK away from me Edward!" I shouted back as I opened my car door and slipped inside locking the door as soon as I shut it, knowing that he would slide into the seat next to me and make me listen to what he had to say about his seedy little secret._

_He reached down to find I had already locked it, and he rested his hands on the window looking into my eyes pleadingly, I shook my head and let the tears fall freely as I turned the key and the radio automatically came on. I turned it all the way up to drone his voice and I put the car into gear._

_I didnt look into the rear view mirror as I drove off, I pulled over after an hour of driving and ran to the edge of the road and bent over to be sickagain and again, my tears never stopped falling down my cheeks._

The hot water stung but I didn't care, it stopped the dull aching pain in my chest hurting so much.

I loved him and he betrayed me. Edward Cullen had officially broken my heart.


	2. Panic

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Okay, so I wasnt going to carry on with this story but Ive now decided to write some more as this idea just wont leave me. I love doing this, so leave a review to keep my faith in this story alive. First time writing in EPOV so let me know what you think ..

(oh i have to mention this chapter is rated T for swearing....you've been warned)

So previously, Bella caught Edward in the act with a mysterious blonde.

Chapter 2: Panic.

EPOV

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cursed as I snapped my phone shut and threw it across the room hearing it hit the wall but not caring where it landed or the damage Id done. My whole body ached and the adrenaline coursed through my veins. Worry and panic began to creep all over me.

I had tried to call Bella to try and explain everything, I needed to make sure she knew that it was the biggest mistake of my entire life and that I was sorry. I needed to hear her voice to make sure she was alright.

"Edward, calm down Jasper" repeated following my footsteps as I paced up and down this apartment "shes alright, Alice is with her tonight

I stopped short and pinched the bridge of my nose in anger and frustration, things were really messed up, I completely ruined everything.

The look on Bellas face when I saw her standing in the doorway nearly killed me, how could I have been so stupid?!

Jasper came behind me and gently took hold of my arms and led me to the sofa and pushed me onto it before sitting down next to me. He waited patiently for me to compose myself enough to face him not bothering to mention the fact that I had probably dented his wall. His blue eyes found mine and fed me worry and sympathy, I looked away disgusted.

I didnt need his sympathy, I had done this to myself, to my poor sweet Bella. I had probably ruined everything that we had built up together for the past 10 years. Edward Cullen has fucked up once again. Well done! 100 points to team Cullen! God I was such an asshole and now Id hurt the love of my life all for one lousy roll in the sack.

I really didnt know why I had even done it. If I could take it back I would.

"Edward, please take breaths" Jaspers voice broke me from my trance and I sucked in a breath that I didnt even know I was holding. I let my head fall into my hands and I let out a shaky sigh.

"Ive really messed up man" I said.

"Your telling me" Jasper replied "Alice is furious,"

"Wants to kill me right about now?" I asked wincing at the thought of Alices wrath, my eyes shooting up towards Jasper who gave me the _You betcha_ look. I groaned.

"Ed, what happened?" he asked.

"Jazz I really fucked things up, I hurt her really bad. It was just a moment of weaknessLauren my new secretary at the hospital asked me to go for drinks with her, Bella was running late so I thought what the hell. I called Bella and told her I was working late. We went to a bar. Man, things got weird and she was telling me all about her boyfriend and then she started crying and then we were kissing" I said knowing that I didnt make much sense "I knew I shouldnt have done it, but I dont know what came over me. Next thing I know is were back at mine and were....you know" I said not having the backbone to say the words _having sex. "_then I look up and Bella is standing in the doorway, oh god looking at me with so much hurt and betrayal. I tried to stop her leaving but she just took off.. Oh fuck, man what do I do?"

Jasper was silent for a long time, I knew that somewhere deep down he hated me right about now, he was disgusted with me and I deserved it. I was sickened with myself, and all I could think about was what I could do to make it right. I couldnt even grasp the idea of us being apart, that just wasnt an option for me I needed to fix everything and make her love me again and get the haunting vision of the look on her face when I saw her standing there, her big brown eyes that I had seen everyday full of love and wonder now filled with something completely opposite. I shuddered.

There was no Edward without Bella. She was my whole entire life, the air that I breathed and the oxygen that filled my lungs. She set my whole body on fire with one look and filled my entire being with passion and my heart with love.

I had broken everything.

I wasnt sure how much time had passed when Jaspers cell started ringing from the kitchen bringing me out of my Bella infused haze, light spilled into the room and I realised that it was morning and I hadnt even slept.

Looking down at the table I saw a hot cup of coffee sitting next to my cell phone.

I looked over to Jasper wondering when he had the time to change his clothes and silently thanking him for finding my phone. I looked back down to the cup and grimaced knowing that I couldnt stomach anything.

My ears pricked up at the mention of Alices name and I nearly broke my neck craning to hear the conversation.

"Hey sweetheart..yeah Im okay. Did you sleep?" he asked and pursed his lips, his eyes flicking to me for a second before he glanced over to the kitchen counter "How is she?" he asked followed by a frown and a sigh "is she still asleep..yeah dont wake her.., hes still here" Another glance in my direction I could hear even from on the sofa the shouts that came from the phone, her voice shrieking down the line "Alice its none of my business...yeah of course I am...ok....is that her now?Okay, Love you. Bye."

He snapped his phone shut and gave me a half smile before pouring some coffee.

"How is she?" I blurted out quickly, not even bothering to say good morning or ask him if he was alright with me crashing out on his sofa or anything, God I was so selfish.

"Alice said shes a mess." Jasper said bluntly making me wince, hed always sugar coated things for me when it came to Bella but not when Id hurt her. I knew he was pissed at me and he had every right to be. Bella was like a sister to him but he was still my best friend. I really wanted him to punch me to show me that he hated what Id done to her.

"Edward Im not going to lie to you, I think youre an ass, you had such a good thing with Bella. That kind of thing doesnt come around very often. Right now I know I should hate you but youre my best friend and I guess even you need someone on your side in all of this. Im not going to tell you what to do and I dont know why this happened at all. I just wish you would have come to me if you and Bella had problems." he said then he took a deep breath. "I wish I could tell you how to fix this, but I cant. I dont even know if you can. It seems to me shes really broken about this."

My heart dropped to the lowest point in my chest and tears came to my eyes. Hearing those words from Jasper was making the whole situation seem so much more real and definitely 100 times worse.

My eyes searched his waiting for his opinion of me to change, to let me know how little he thought of me right at that very moment but he held my eyes for a long time, then he sighed and looked away ashamed. 'Finally' I thought.

He pushed himself away from the counter and headed towards the bathroom eat he mumbled "Im hitting the shower before Alice comes home"

Which I read as 'I dont think you should be here when Alice gets back' and so I waited till I heard the bathroom door lock flick across the closed door before I grabbed my car keys and quickly left.

I parked across the street from Bellas apartment staring down at the steering wheel, my fingers gripping onto the wheel tight my knuckles turning white and my whole wrist began to shake.

Alice had left looking tired and worn out, although she didnt see my car sitting across the street I could see the worry in her eyes as she pulled out her cell phone and began typing furiously as she opened her car door and climbed in. Her yellow bug- her pride and joy came to life and she sped off without even glancing in my direction.

Moments later my cell phone buzzed. 1 Message from Alice. I took a breath and opened my inbox.

**__**

YOU had better not go to her. Youve done enough! Me and Rose will get your shit. Stay away!

I wish I would have listened to that damned pixie.

I cant remember how I got out of the car or how I even managed to be standing in the middle of Bellas hallway. All I knew was that I was standing there looking around, probably already guessing that I would never see these walls again. My eyes fell on the table across the hall with a little silver picture frame standing with pride in the centre. It was a photo of the two of us back when we were in college, I remember it being a sunny day as we were back in Forks on summer vacation. Bella insisted that we stay at her fathers house for the first week then finish our time at my parents house up in the forest. She had always loved my house up in the middle of nowhere, made her feel safe and secure she used to tell me.

That photo was taken as we lay on a checked picnic blanket she held the camera up in the air at arms length and she clicked away. But neither of us were looking at the camera, we were both gazing into each others eyes. I had forgotten those days.

Things were simple back then, we didnt have reality looming over us. We lived in our own little cocoon.

A broken sob threw me out of my thoughts and I jerked my head in the direction of the bathroom panic filling every fibre in my body, and I ran toward the cries.

I gasped when I opened the bathroom door, the sight that was in front of me made my knees tremble and my heart sink. Bella. Curled up in a ball on the shower floor her whole body shaking with violent sobs. Bella crying out my name over and over again, tears filled my eyes and escaped down my cheeks at the sight of her broken and alone looking so vulnerable on the tiled floor.

Without thinking I went to her opening the shower door and reaching out to her the hot water soaking through my clothes as I held her body to mine. Her arms wrapped around me as she cried harder. I held her tight, my hand in her hair as she rested her head in the crook of my neck.

For a long while we stood under the pouring water sobbing while I caressed the soft skin of her back soothing her slightly knowing she loved it when I ran my fingertips along the skin of her back.

"Edward?" she said finally, confusion in her voice.

"Bella.I.." I began but she cut me off, her lips came crashing down on mine taking me by surprise. I responded quickly and deepened our kiss, savouring every second she was giving me, knowing that she would come to her senses any moment and push me away. But she didnt.

With the water still pouring down both of our bodies I reached behind us and switched the shower off and lifted Bella off the ground, she instantly wrapped her legs around me and I groaned closing my eyes kissing down her face and neck then ending back at her lips. In a frenzy she began clawing at my shirt and jeans until we were both as naked as when I had found her.

I really want to tell you that me and Bella made love. But it wasnt making love. No words were exchanged and she kept her beautiful eyes closed tight. I tried to kiss her eye lids but she pushed me away and turned her head pining my hands to my sides. As I watched her in awe I knew that she wouldnt be mine for much longer and that thought ate me up deep inside me. This used to be so perfect. Now I will forever remember the look etched onto her beautiful lips, those tears running down her cheeks, the broken gasps, the violence behind her actions trying to punish the both of us. I hated this. But Bella didnt stop.

We lay for in the dark for a long time, no words were spoken between us as I pulled her into my arms. She lay stiff and on edge with her face turned away from me.

My heart pounded in my chest as my mind searched for the right thing to say, I was positive she could hear it too and I could feel her heat beating rapidly through her back, could see her pulse point on her neck rising and falling quickly.

I had to say something.

"Bella" I whispered "Im sorry"

For a few moments she was silent, I thought she had drifted off to sleep until I felt her lift herself off my arm and turn away from me, I sat up and reached out for her as she tried to stand from the bed "Bella, please dont-"

"Stop it Edward!" she said "I dont want to hear any of your excuses or explanations, I just want you to go"

"Bella I have to-" I started again reaching out and taking hold of her hand, but she pulled it out of my grasp quick, as if I had burnt her. She began to dress quickly.

"No, you dont get to touch me now" She said looking me straight in the eye, her own brown orbs so cold and distant. "You dont ever get to touch me again. You shouldnt have come. I was stupid for letting this happen....you need to leave" she said throwing some dry clothes at me.

I shook my head and wrapped the bed sheet around me "Im not going anywhere, I need to explain, I need to make you understand that I love you and Im so sorry. I fucked up. Please give me another chance." I begged.

She wasnt listening, instead she pulled one of my old shirts on that I had left here and she left the room quickly.

Sighing I quickly dressed and looked down the bed sadly. Suddenly a loud smash filled the apartment making me jump, few seconds later another smash, then another I ran into the lounge to find Bella throwing cushions across the room, tears running down her face again. I glanced around the room and across the hall to find that there were plates and glasses covering the floor in the kitchen. Bella was trashing the place.

"Bella stop it" I called out trying to grab hold of her arms but she turned her back and held out her hand swiftly moving it along the mantle piece the ornaments and trinkets flying everywhere and theyre broken wails pierced the air making me wince.

"You never loved me!" she screamed

"Of course I did, I do love you" I reasoned with her being helpless to her outburst.

"LIAR!" she shouted as she threw a vase of flowers at the wall I watched as her favourite flowers, the ones that I had got her the morning before, sank to the floor in a messy heap.

"Bella please stop this, youll hurt yourself" I cried.

"You've already done that!" she shouted back throwing more stuff in my general direction then her hands flew to her hair and she pulled at it hard "How could you do this to us?! How could you be so selfish? Wasnt I enough for you?!" she cried. "I hope she was fucking worth it."

I waited until she had calmed down enough before I made a step towards her but she flinched away. My heart broke at the action, she actually looked scared of me. I had never given her reason to be afraid of me but I suddenly understood all the faith and respect that she had for me had disappeared. My shoulders felt heavy and my head span from the realisation that in Bellas eyes she never knew me at all. But she was wrong. She did know me. And I love her with all my heart.

"I hate you" she whispered loud enough for me to hear.

My whole world stopped at her words. I hated myself even more.

I had to keep trying.. "Bella listen to me-"

"Im leaving" she said quickly "I have to go"

NO!

"What, where?" I demanded quickly "You cant go, not when youre this worked up we need to talk"

"I need to think, Edward I need to breathe. Just please leave me alone." she replied, then something in her eyes changed and I could see my Bella looking back at me again, "I'll be ok I promise, I just need to go-" she said her tears cutting off her words, she lowered her head and wrapped her arms around herself. She was so fragile. I walked closer towards her.

Tears fell down my own cheeks and my breath caught in my throat as I tried to push down the lump that had formed painfully lodged in my throat. Was this goodbye?

"Bella I love you" I said my fingers reaching out and caressing her cheek, she cried harder at my words and nodded. "Im sorry" I added. Her breaths were laboured and her body racked with sobs as I pressed my lips to her forehead.

I reluctantly turned around and headed for the door, glancing one last time to see Bella, the love of my life crouch down in the middle of the floor and break down into heavier sobs. Completely heartbroken and defeated I opened the door and walked out of her life.

I promised her at that moment I would go to the ends of the Earth to fix what I had broken. One way or another.

She loved me, and I betrayed her.

Its official, I am Edward Cullen and I have broken Bella Swans heart.

Please let me know what you thought of it. A big surprise is coming soon so keep tuned..


	3. Changes

Sorry for the wait.

BPOV.

It had been 4 long months since i had stepped foot in my apartment, the key in the door seemed so unfamiliar to me now as I turned it in the lock.

My heart beating frantically in my chest as I remembered the very last time I was standing on the other side of my white front door, those horrible thoughts flying around my mind, my tears staining my face.

I had been so stupid to leave in such a frantic state, I cursed myself later at the mess I had gotten myself into. Before I could think back to that dreadful night a voice brought me out of my thoughts,

"Come on Bells, lets get a shifty on, my legs are killing me and I need a good cuppa before I even think about unpacking" Nessie called over as she unloaded the truck heaving her suitcases out and practically throwing them onto the lawn.

I turned around startled for a moment then a slow smile crept its way onto my lips at seeing her again. I was instantly thankful that she had decided to come back to stay with me for a few months.

That night when I had confronted Edward ,after having the best sex of my life with him. -Shoot me I dont care-, I had called Nessie and told her a very short story about Edward being an asshole and that I needed her.

She had a ticket waiting for me at the airport 30 minutes later and I had grabbed a change of clothes and my passport and I drove to the airport on a one way flight to London. 18 and a half hours later my little sister held me in her arms and I instantly relaxed at hearing her beautiful accent in person.

"Oh Bella!" She told me as I wept in the middle of arrivals not caring about the scene I was probably making, nothing mattered when her strong arms wound around me and held me to her "I've missed you so much"

Nessie was my younger half sister, from my mothers second marriage. René my eccentric and impractically loveable mother had left my father Charlie after only 5 years of marriage, I was 3 at the time and she had nowhere to go with an infant, so I was passed over to Charlie until she had found somewhere stable enough for me to join her.

She had met Phil a year later and he swept her off her feet, she was completely in love and she was adamant that he was The One. I didnt hate Phil, I just didnt particularly like him. I always felt that he had stolen my mother and ruined my dreams of my parents getting back together.

But after seeing that my parents were better off apart I had got used to them being with other people. I was happy for them, both of them.

It was 3 years after mum had left that I accepted that I was not going to live with René and her new husband and I settled into living with my father, I loved it of course, Charlie would dote on me and nothing could ever be too much for him. He even went to the extent of making sure that every other Sunday would be Daddy-Daughter day. We would go and do fun things that would make us bond more and he could show me that just because I was growing up in a one parent household that I was still loved by _both_ of my parents.

When I turned 5 my sister Nessie was born and I was over the moon. She was such a cute baby and I would tell everybody about her and take pictures into school to show people.

But my world was torn apart when Phil announced to everyone as they sat around the table for my 6th birthday party that he Nessie and my mother were moving to England to start his new sports business. I was angry and hurt to say the least, but 3 weeks later they had left and it was just me and my dad, again.

Nessie had always kept in touch, when she learnt to read and write she wrote to me to tell about her day. We grew up together over the phone and through letters and photos , and each summer I would fly over to stay for a few weeks and she would always show me around and look after me. Telling each of her friends how cute my accent was making me blush.

Nessie was not just my sister, but my best friend too.

When I had explained everything that had happened she held me tighter and reminded me that and I quote all men were power-hungry penis heads which made me laugh. Nessie had always been a little eccentric when it came to expressing herself. She was a drama student studying performing arts and stage theatre, and she fit in perfectly with her choppy blonde locks with flashes of pink. She was different and she loved it. I secretly wished I was a little like her.

I stayed with Nessie in her 2nd floor apartment ,or flat as she would constantly correct me, for a few weeks and we were finally just starting to get used to one another again and have fun and open up to each other about things that had happened in each of our lives when my life took a completely different direction.

Nessie was pushing a cart around a store talking about the different flavours of Ben and Jerrys ice cream animatedly throwing her arms about and being dramatic, making sure she wiggled her hips when she passed a guy who was so obviously ogling her from the fruit isle.

As we passed the pharmacy my eyes fell nearly fell out of my head when Nessie reached over and grabbed a box of tampons from the shelf, upon seeing my strange look she shrugged her shoulders a little blush reaching her cheeks. Period. Or lack of flashed before my eyes.

"Mother nature is a bitch right?" she said with a smile.

FUCK! "Well I wouldnt know, I hadnt had mine for nearly a month." I said dazed.

At hearing this Nessie gasped and grabbed my hand abandoning the shopping cart and pulling me over to the desk, overreacting was definitely and understatement as she demanded the poor old woman behind the counter give her a pregnancy test immediately because this was a matter of life and death. The womans eyes shot to mine and I could only shrug my shoulders and smile my apology at my sisters behaviour.

As soon as the paper bag was in my sisters hands she practically threw the money on the counter before grabbing my hand and dragging me along to the ladies toilets.

"Are you seriously asking me to do this here?" I asked raising an eyebrow at the stall then looking back to Nessie.

"Bella, dont give me any attitude, pee on that stick so I can know if I can fly over to Forks tonight to beat the shit out of the pathetic excuse of a man they call Edward Cullen." she replied opening the packet and thrusting the little stick into my hands while she pulled out the instructions and began to read.

It wasnt the way I wanted to do this, I wanted this to happen when I was at home with Edward pacing back and forth outside the bathroom door awaiting for me to throw myself into his arms as I told him I was carrying our first child. But as I held the stick in my hands after zipping up my jeans in the bathroom of a supermarket I felt relief that at least the one person who loved me was standing just outside the door, and pushed away the feeling of being completely empty at it not being _Him._

Nessie held out her hand and I placed the white stick on her palm as I quickly washed my hands giggling at her moans of -Eeewww I cant believe that Im touching your pee

Suddenly Nessie gasped and my whole world shattered.

* * *

_"So this is where you live then huh?" Nessie said as she followed me into the now clean apartment, Alice must have come over and cleared up after I left, I would have to call and thank her later._

_"yeah, this is it" I replied looking around at the cold apartment._

_I watched as she looked around with a smile slowly nodding her head obviously approving of my home, "Well first things first Bells, wheres the kettle Im bloody thirsting for a coffee over here"_

_After I showed her where everything in the kitchen was I made my way into my bedroom to throw my bag on the bed, the room was so cold and I shuddered as I wrapped my arms around myself my hands smoothing over my sweater and rubbing my small bump, a smile reaching my lips at feeling this little person growing just under my skin. My baby. My little Peanut, as Nessie referred to it many times after she had seen the first scan pictures. Edwards baby._

* * *

I was 12 weeks gone when I decided that everyone back in Forks needed to know that I was ok and that a new arrival would be expected in the next couple of months, I was sure that Alice would be more than willing to shop for baby things when I got back home.

But I needed to talk to him. Edward had been a complete asshole, he didnt deserve my tears as Nessie had told me constantly, but no matter what he had done he did deserve to know that he was going to be a father.

My fingers were trembling as I punched the numbers and waited to hear the dialling tone, my heart pounding loudly and my breath hitched when I heard his voice on the other end of the line

"yeah?" he said harshly and I winced.

"Edward?" I asked

Instantly his voice became soft "Bella, is that you?"

"Yeah its me Edward.." I replied "How are you?" I rolled my eyes, why did I care?

"Um..Im ok Bella, how are you?" he asked, at which I contemplated replying with '_oh yeah, Im pregnant!'_ before he added "Ive missed you."

"Ive missed you too" I said without thinking, then there was an awful silence between us and it was deafening me "So.."

"So-" we said at the same time. "Go on" he said quickly.

"No its ok, what is it?" I replied

"So Alice and Jasper have moved in together," he said quietly.

"Oh thats great actually I have some news too. we're...um...i'm pregnant" I said quickly telling myself its just like a band aid, just do it quickly.

For a moment it was silence and I thought that I had lost connection "Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Im still here" his velvety voice filled my ears again "I... are you sure?"

"Edward I think the photos that Im looking at right now are pretty clear that Im sure" I answered looking down to the grey picture of our baby pinned to the notice board next to the phone.

"How far along are you?"

"The doctor said about 13 weeks, Im due sometime in February." I answered.

"Is everything ok, are you ok?" he asked "Bella Im gonna be a father?"

"Only if you want to be, It'd be completely ok if you didn't, you can be involved in this as much or as little as you want, Im not pressuring you-"

"What? Thats my child, of course I want to be involved in every single step of the way. I need to see you, when are you back?" he said quickly.

"I havent really thought about it, I guess soon, I need to speak to Carlisle about possibly having the baby at home, I want him to deliver it." I replied "I think Im coming back to Forks in a few weeks"

"Bella we need to talk about what going to happen. About what happened, it was only one time and-" he started but I cut him up quickly suddenly very aware that this was the first time that we had spoken since I left that night.

"Edward, not tonight, Im tired and Im not ready, but soon." I said.

"Please Bella, I just need you to know that I love you." he replied "and our baby"

"I know." I answered, my hand rubbing my tiny bump "I'll talk to you later, please let Alice and Rose know that Im ok, and congratulate Jasper for me. Goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight Bella"

* * *

I had called Edward a few times since our first conversation to confirm when I would be coming back to Forks and he had informed me that Alice was ecstatic at becoming an Aunt and that she had planned a shopping spree for me and bump as she had called it. Edward found it amusing at all the different names everyone had given my pregnant belly and he had even been thinking of names.

My heart soared when he had told me that he wanted to talk about possible baby names when I returned and that he looked forward to seeing his child bulging under my belly. He told me that he had missed me and couldnt wait to see both of us.

At first I was going home alone but just couldnt imagine facing everything alone, so when I asked Nessie how she thought about spending a few weeks back at my home with me she jumped at the chance of meeting some of the people I have learnt to call my family. Not bothering to hide the fact that she still intended to beat the crap out of Edward.

The flight back had been very uncomfortable, we were in coach and it was very cramped which my pregnancy sickness didnt agree to. I had been told that expecting mothers would become accustomed to the morning sickness, I didnt mind that part. But morning afternoon and night sickness was a little tiring. I soon found out that Bump didnt like Nessies fish pie or the airplane flight food of Lasagne.

But as I sat on my oversized sofa clutching a fresh cup of tea that Nessie had passed over to me I smiled and breathed out a sigh of relief. At last everything would be alright.

"So I was thinking of unpacking and then maybe calling for some food, what did you fancy?" Nessie said as she flicked through some T.V channels and curling up on the big arm chair.

"Actually sis, Im meeting Edward tonight, weve got some stuff to discuss about the baby and.."

"yeah yeah I get it. Please spare me the details, you want me out of the house. Just point me to the nearest pubor bar and Ill be out of your hair" she said waving her hand.

I didnt want her to leave but I knew that this was something that I would have to face on my own, Edward was my problem not hers. I didnt need to hold my little sisters hand, however much I wanted her I knew this was my mess not hers.

"Thanks Ness." I replied pulling her into a hug.

It was a while later when I heard his car pull up outside.

The apartment seemed completely different since the last time he was here and I was thankful that Ness had decided to keep away. My heart thundered in my chest as I heard the doorbell, it dropped at realising that he was waiting for me to open the door, that he wouldnt be walking in like he usually did. I would miss that.

The first thing that I noticed was that his eyes which were usually sparkling green were now sullen and dark circles were underneath them, I didnt think he had gotten much sleep since I had last seen him. He had lost weight and he looked tired. Instantly I felt sorry for him but pushed those thoughts from my mind.

"Hello" His velvety voice spoke first as his fingers reached up and ran through his hair.

"Come in" I replied standing back and opening the door wider and letting him in. He followed me to the lounge and stood awkwardly for a few moments looking around the room. This wasnt us.

"Sit down Edward" I said as I hung his jacket up on the coat rack in the hallway taking deep breaths trying to mentally prepare myself for something I wasnt ready for.

Edward was sitting on the sofa when I came back into the lounge and I had to stop myself crawling beside him and letting him hold me close. Choosing the arm chair I made myself comfortable.

"How are you?" he asked after a moment.

"Im getting by." I answered truthfully, he nodded looking down to his feet and linking his fingers together his posture screaming awkward. We were both uncomfortable around each other now and I briefly wondered if this was how its going to be from now on.

"Do you want a drink? Water? Beer?" I asked breaking the silence.

"Water is great thanks" he replied with a nod and stood to follow me into the kitchen, but I stopped him telling him to stay there as I got it covered.

"you look great" he said his eyes glossing over a little as he looked up and down my fuller body.

I mumbled a thanks before quickly leaving the room.

I handed him his glass and his eyes fell onto my stomach, I glanced down to where his gaze landed and I rubbed my hand across my sweater. I got myself comfortable again.

"I'll pack up your stuff and send it across to Alice or just bring it over to you in the week" I said pushing my hair back out of my face.

"I already took care of it while you were away, Alice helped get this place back to the way it was and practically threw my stuff at me" he said with a smirk. "i figured it would make things easier for you" Internally I wanted to kiss Alice, I hoped she made him feel bad. But at the same time I felt hollow at the thought of none of his stuff was going to be around my apartment anymore.

"Thank her for me" I said quietly before taking a sip of my water.

"How was London?" he asked after another moment of awkwardness.

"It was nice to get away, Ive been meaning to for a while and Ness was great" I answered.

"Did you do much sight-seeing?" he asked.

WTF? "Really?" I said sarcastically "You really want to talk about whether or not I went sight-seeing in London. No I didnt Edward, I pretty much stayed in Nessies apartment the entire time. I didnt feel up to doing much"

Something flashed across his face for a few seconds before it was gone and he shook his head, "Im not sure how to act Alice said..never mind" he pinched the bridge of his nose, something he always did when he was trying to calm his emotions, and I bit back another verbal outburst.

"Im sorry Bella" he said quietly

"I dont care Edward, whats done is done" I replied quickly not liking the direction of this conversation. I didnt need his apology. "An apology wouldnt mean anything now, it wouldnt change a thing. I didnt ask you over here for any explanations or apologies."

"Bella I fucked up, I know I did, please just let me at least" he tried again but I cut him off quickly,

"No Edward!" I shouted "I dont want anything from you, we need to discuss whats going to happen with the baby"

His eyes shot to my stomach as If he had forgotten about the real reason he was here. "Ok." he said.

"I thought about not telling you, as some sort of punishment for everything, but that would have been wrong. This baby has a father and Im not going to be the one to keep you from our child. Like I said on the phone you can be involved as much or as little as you want but this baby is coming whether we like it or not." I said watching the emotions run across Edwards face as he took in my words. "This is happening."

"I want to be there every step of the way" he said quickly.

"Then you are here as our childs father, nothing else. We have nothing between us. All thats in the past and I never want to talk about it again. We move on as parents" I said not really knowing where all this courage was coming from and ignoring the pain that erupted in my chest from the impact of my own words.

Edward nodded sadly.

"Anything you want Bella. Im glad that you still want me in your life and Im happy that you chose to tell me and let me be a father to our child." he said then he sat forwards in his seat and reached for my hand "but I need to say this, and then I will never mention it again."

I took a breath and was momentarily stunned by the sparks that shot through the entire length of my arm when his fingertips touched my skin. I nodded and let him carry on.

"Bella I will always love you. Its always been you" he said sadly locking his eyes with mine and looking deep into mine, I swear he was trying to read my soul.

It took my breath away every single time.

"I failed at being your..." he started but I could tell that he was trying to find the right words to say, and he was taking long breaths which meant he was fighting back his tears. He shook his head and carried on "but I wont fail at being a father. I will try to be the best father a guy could be. I wont let you down."

"For our childs sake Im gonna try and trust you on that." I replied rubbing my stomach silently thanking the beautiful baby growing of me for making me a better person already.

Edward stayed for a while longer asking questions about how everything would happen from now and we both agreed that we would cross those bridges when we got to them.

I didnt realise how long we had been talking until the front door opened and a familiar voice called out, "Sorry Bells I stayed out as long as I could but its bloody freezing out there" she said making her way through the house to us, a smile on her lips and a mischievous glint in her eye, she smiled over to Edward "Hello DickWard, come to piss my sister around some more?" she simply said before making her way into the kitchen.

That was Edwards cue to leave.

As I walked him to the door I thought about the last time he was here and my cheeks began to blush at the memory, I opened the door and the gust of wind threw my thoughts from my mind "Its cold out" I said. _Captain Obvious_! Rolling my eyes at myself I reached up and pulled my scarf from around the coat rack and placed it around his neck ignoring his protests. I would not let the father of my child die from hypothermia and that hed throw it away when he gets in his car, but secretly knowing that I wanted him to keep something of mine and think of me when he saw it.

I caught his eyes and saw him start to lean towards me praying to God he wasnt trying to kiss me after everything I had just said to him, but he surprised me by pulling me into his arms and hugging me close, his scent filling my nose and my heart stopped for a second. He smelt good. Really good. His arms were as strong and as comforting as Id remembered.

"Leaving so soon DickWard?" Nessies voice interrupting our moment "I thought that we could play a board game crack our some cheese and biscuits and talk about old remember the time when you fucked my sisters life up?"

I groaned. "Ok Ness I got it" I shouted back making sure that she had wondered back into the lounge before turning back to Edward and pulling myself out of his arms.

"I deserve everything I get from her. She wants to kill me right?" he asked

"Pretty much" I replied "what can I say us girls can get pretty protective of each other."

He was suddenly became serious "I love you Bella"

Not wanting to lie to him I answered "I love you too. But that doesnt change anything. There is no US anymore. There never will be."

"I know. I just needed to hear it one last time." he said kissing my forehead surprising myself once more by letting him. Then I watched as he pulled away get back inside, cant let my baby get sick

I wasnt sure if he meant me or my bump but I smiled and placed my hands on the stomach once more as I watched him climb into his car. I didnt watch him drive away, instead I smiled and closed the door on what we used to be.

* * *

I wasnt going to give up completely on Edward. A relationship between him and me, yes giving up is what I had to do. But a relationship between parent and child, no. We were a family, a very complicated one at that but I knew we would eventually work through it. As long as my child knew love like no other then I would be happy.

* * *

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